teenbaby wrote me and told me that my site was not "Teen-Friendly"
enough. It was interesting that I was already thinking about that on my
own, so his critical comment has drove me into adding this section. The
intention of this website was to give a parent honest non-biased
information that looked at infantilism from their point of view. In
almost two years since I have founded this website I have actually
exchanged thoughts with approximately 10 confirmed parents of teen
babies. All but, two of those conversations came about only after
rather extensive correspondence with the teenbaby via e-mail, chat or
phone conversation. During this time I have been contacted by nearly
100 teen babies that were seeking my input on how to talk to their
parents about their feelings. The typical letter I receive is one just
like the one copied here
HEY MITCH I'VE READ YOUR SITE AND I LIKE THE THINKS ON IT. BUT I REALLY
NEED HELP I M A TEENAGE WANABEE BABY BUT I CANT GET DIAPERS AND DONT KNOW
HOW TO MAKE MAKESHIFT ONES. WHAT I REALLY WANT IS FOR MY PARENTS TO GIVE ME
THEM SO I DONT HAVE TO KEEP A SECERT BUT I DONT WANT TO WET THE BED OR TELL
THEM TO GET SOME NAPPIES. I HAVE TRIED SUCKING ON THINGS SO THAT THEY THINK
I NEED BABY THINGS BUT IT DOESNT WORK PLEASE HELP THANKS BYE THE THE WAY DAN
SENT MTE TO U
I havew a problem. I am a Teen Baby and have been in hiding for quite some
time. the problem with your website is that it does not cover enough about
teen babies. If I were to tell my parents finayy, after almost 4 years of
hiding,how should i do it? my parents have raised five girls before me, are
60(mother) and 62(father), and i am afraid of hurting them Please I need
help!!! I am desperate. please help!
Usually the kid either feels the need to acquire diapers such as the
first letter or has been hiding them for some time and are just
miserable about having this secret lifestyle such as the second letter
So while my ultimate dream of the parent finding me first, the route to parental understanding has clearly gone through the teenbaby in my experience so this is why I am making the adjustment to fit the need. Early on some mistakes were made in how I advised kids to deliver their message. For one thing I was naive to believe that just being 100 percent honest about your feelings would work out well. I was of that opinion because my feelings remained trapped and my teenbaby life was a nightmare. A few other mistakes were made as far as fine tuning this process, but overall the average kid doesn't have to deliver the perfect message to be rewarded by a positive reaction for sharing their problems to those that love them the most. I am yet to hear of a parent that went crazy on a kid that talked about this for the first time with them. That does not mean that the kid will get babied or diapers bought for them, though that does occur in nearly half the situations that get reported back to me. Long term success is something that is improving, since I have identified some seemingly minor yet very important mistakes in previous confessions that I will cover.
One question I hear often is will my parent accept this? What we need to do here is determine whether understanding is even a possibility. I have learned to be careful about this part. I can tell you what to look for, but ultimately no one knows the parent better than the kid that lives with them. Warning signs that indicate that confiding this in a parent might not be a good idea are 1-EXTREMELY JUDGEMENTAL OF OTHERS---Do they talk negatively about co-workers or other family members outside your immediate family who have problems. If they just pick on one type of behavior such as drinking, but are OK with someone being gay for example then it may be OK to tell them. They may have been a victim of alcoholism and would naturally have that view. If they are widespread in being critical of everyone for everything then my advice would be to try and keep it a secret.2--ULTRA RELIGIOUS---For some reason that parent will lead you to believe this was the missing 11th commandment handed down from Moses. Of course someone who is religious and committed to understanding their child's needs will be the perfect parent to confide in. 3-PAST TRACK RECORD--If a parent has had a "My way or the highway" approach with you on other issues or "I Speak and you obey" then they have not earned the right to know what is going on with you. The typical parent is not like any of those listed above so in all other cases I advise to just come clean and be 100 percent honest.
This is what I call "The Attention Getter." What you are trying to do here is set the best enviroment as possible for communication. For one thing your parent will feel good about you coming to them with an issue that bothers you. For an instant they may be able to envision themselves as 7th Heaven material parents like on TV. Plus not hinting at the subject lets their mind start preparing them for something worse than simply "I want to be a baby or wear diapers" It is extremely important that they both speak with you at the same time. You don't want to fall victim to getting what you need only to have the second parent which is usually the less understanding one come in a veto everything. By the time the second parent gets involved the first parent starts wondering if it is harmful and this gives them an easy out. Here is an example of a good first letter---
SAMPLE LETTER #1
Dear Mom and Dad,
For sometime I have had an issue that is really bothering me. I just can't deal with it by myself anymore so I need to talk with you as soon as it is convienent for you in a couple days or so. I'm just not ready today, because it is rather embarassing. We need to talk about it in a setting where we won't be interupted by outside factors such as phone calls etc. The place needs to be privte where no one else can hear us. Both of you need to hear it at the same time. I am OK so please don't worry. I love you very much.
This is where you deliver the whole story on what is going on with you. Everyone of us is different so your letter needs to be reflect your needs. I strongly urge you to do this in the form of a second letter. It allows you to put all your thoughts together. It will seem more intelligent. Just talking about it at this point has many disadvantages, because once you say "I need diapers" you will get hit by many questions. This will result in you not being able to talk about some things that you mean to cover and cause you and your parents to over dwell on others since they will be setting the flow of the conversation. Remember you are the one in charge of this particular conversation. It can end at anytime you want that to happen. You deserve the utmost respect for making the bold decision to confide this secret. Make two copies of the letter and give each parent their own letter to read. Wait until the last parent has finished reading it completely before fielding any questions. You don't want both parents trying to read the same letter looking over each other's shoulder because one will not be able to see it very well. REMEMBER--TWO COPIES.
Sample Letter #2
Dear Mom and Dad,
The issue that has been bothering me that I needed to talk about is this. I am a TEEN BABY. What that means is that while I am a teenager I feel the need to be a baby. I feel the need to wear diapers and maybe drink from a bottle etc. I know that sounds very weird, but I can't help it. This seems beyond my control. You may think I am seeking some kind of treatment to end all this but honestly I really don't think I want these feelings to end. While me telling you this must seem brand new to you, I have had these feelings for a very long time. Maybe when I was a kid I just wanted to remain a baby and now that I am a teen these feelings are even more intense. I just love you guys more than anything in this world and if you wouldn't mind I wouldn't mind going on remaining your little baby boy. PLEASE give this a chance, because I am miserable trying to keep this away from you and you always said I could come to you with anything. I know this sounds crazy but it is anything and very serious to me.
The letter can be very long or very short. The main thing is that you establish that you are a teen baby and need to act upon your feelings for the sake of your happiness and well being. The detail about your feelings can be covered in the open dialog or in this letter, but the more you can write down the less you'll forget to talk about when the communication becomes verbal.
Now you are ready to move into open dialog. Just answer the questions to the best of your ability. Some questions you may not know the answer to and that's OK. You'll be surprized at how easy this part goes once your into it.
Here is a list of the most asked questions and a good response. I will give my personal replies to such questions for examples, pretending as if I am a 14 year old today. They should be fairly typical. I expect some of your answers will vary because everyone is unique. Just express your feelings.
1-- When did this all start? Actually my first memory of wanting one goes back to when I was 4 years old, but lately it has just gotten more strong for me
2-You do know that you can't go back to being a little baby don't you? Yes I am aware of that. I wish I could, but I know that it isn't possible, but still I think I would find a lot of comfort in trying to feel like a baby from time to time. Not always but sometimes I think it would be nice.
3-Kid's are long past these kinds of things? Well actually mom more kid's than you could imagine get babied or wear diapers at my age. It might not be the most common thing in the world but the number is somewhere in the thousands.
4-Where did you get your information on all this? There are lots of websites out there. Some are very educational and even geared to help people like you and mom understand. (You may want to specifically refer this one or Bitter Grey's Den)
5-You do know that if you do this type of thing that you may get made fun of at school or even here by your brothers and sisters? No one outside you all needs to know this. I know that it is something that needs to be kept private. As far as my brothers and sisters could you just tell them that I need them and back me up because I really do need them.
6-What caused you to have these feelings? I have no idea. I just know I have them.
7-And just how do you plan on getting your diapers? I was hoping that you all could either get them at the store or order them through the mail. I just wouldn't feel right at my age going into a store and buying them. You know.
8--And just how do you plan on keeping the smell under control? I will be responsible for washing cloth ones and doing my own laundry. Take out the garbage when I use disposables. Basically I know that if you allow this I have to meet responsibility requirements.
9 Who do you think should be responsible for paying for something that you don't really need? I will pay for them. I know it is hard for you to think of this as a need since it ain't a physical need but I do need them none the less.
10-Do you have a sexual problem that we need to discuss? Be as honest as you can. This can be embarrassing but you do have their attention and they do understand that kids your age are beginning to have these feelings.
11-How long do you plan on trying to hang onto baby things? I have no plan but from what I understand these feelings usually last a lifetime so I just want to be the real me.
12--You aren't going to let yor school work slip if we allow this are you? No, if I do you I will stop wearing them.
13-When do you plan to wear them if we allow this? Bedtime and some on the weekends and evening. I will wear regular clothes during the day though.
14-- You don't expect us to change you or anything like that do you? Anything you would like to do as far as babying is concerned would be OK, but I don't expect anything extra. If you respect my feelings I will not make you uncomfortable about anything.
These are the biggest ones that come to my mind, but you may think of others. Just try to prepare yourself for these type questions and you should do fine. The truth is always easy to remember.
If your parents do not allow you to carry out your wishes don't get down on yourself. This was a very important talk that you just had. You always have the option of getting your own diapers and hiding them. My experience has been that you can't keep this stuff hid forever and this talk at least gave your parents answers to possible future questions that could be asked at a time when they have a temper flaring for an explanation that you are too embarrassed to reveal. They may be under the false impression that you will simply lose this desire, but in all liklihood time will prove them wrong.
If you feel you need further assistance in talking to your parents I will do what I can for you. Just write me and I will be more than happy to help.
Back To Main Page Parent Information Surveys Survey Results Links Testimonials