Mitch's Testimonial

Updated 04/16/03

My name is Mitch. I am soon to be 39 years old. I created this website in the Summer of 2000. I have loved diapers as long as my memory takes me. I was an only child. I was potty trained before my 2nd birthday. My realization that I loved diapers occured at age 4 when I was put into plastic pants with no underwear. I remember asking to wear again but wasn't allowed. I later found them and put them on myself and the first time mom thought it was cute. The next time I was spanked for doing this. Up until I was 13 I never had access to them, but I remember how tempting it was to grab a pack of Gerber baby pants off the hook. I also loved seeing Pampers as well in stores or commercials as a young child and wishing that I was still at an age where diapers were acceptable. Just before I turned 14 I ordered my own in secret after seeing them in a Sears catalog. I was so excited when they came 6 days later. When I put them on I experienced my first ejaculation by pure accident when the vinyl touched me there. I really did not expect it since I had no curiosity in girls at all. I thought something physical might be wrong since other boys my age seemed to be talking about playboys etc. After discovering sex with these feelings surrounding diapers, I was hooked. I didn't understand my feelings. Soon after my mom found them and it was horrible. A finger was pointed at me and answers were demanded. After a lot of yelling and threatening by my mom and crying on my part they were thrown away. I was warned that had better be the last of this sick behavior. I really wanted to stop but that was the only way I could satisfy by sexual urges, so I kept getting them and hiding them. Each time they were found and mentally it seemed worse everytime. In the beginning I kept expecting a natural sexual urge to kick in and take over. I figured that would end these feelings. Almost like I was waiting for a train but it never came. Along about 16 I really started feeling like maybe it would never kick in and sexually I was big time confused. I wanted desperately to talk to someone, but was afraid. I read anything I could and the only thing I found was the definition of infantilism and it didn't sound like me at all.I became very withdrawn and my gambling problem intensified since I started working. If I wasn't getting yelled at about diapers it was gambling. I felt like I went from a kid who had everything going for him to just dirt. I hated myself. I became dangerously underweight. I tried to remain small to fit real baby diapers. You could count my ribs. Pictures of me between 18-22 are not a good sight. At age 22 I attempted suicide. I had plenty of reasons in my mind. The spark was a 200 dollar gambling debt. Diapers and the hope for any normal life played a huge factor also. If I had died people would have blamed gambling if they thought it suicide. No one could have ever imagined diapers played a part. I staged it to look accidental. I was worried about how I was viewed after I was gone. I had very serious thoughts long before that. I can't count the times I lay in my bed crying staring at my shotgun to ease the pain after my stuff was found. I felt that cold steel against my body more times than I care to remember as I practiced placing it just right. A month after that close call I moved almost 300 miles away to Georgia. I didn't know anyone there but I couldn't gamble. I worked at a very nice job and saved money and my self-esteem was re-built. I met a very wonderful woman 9 years ago and we fell in love. I finally revealed this deep dark secret 3 years ago and she was very supportive and understanding. We married in Sept 2000. It is my hope that by sharing this story and creating this website a teen with similar feelings will not have to struggle to the degree many of us have in the past.
Back to Testimonials