Ian's Testimonial

Posted 11/17/00


My name is Ian. I am 27 years old and I am a diaper lover. I have no brothers or sisters. My mom says I was potty trained a little after my third birthday and that I wore a diaper at night and on long trips until I was 5. She says I wore cloth diapers and plastic pants. I remember the first time I became interested in diapers, I was about 7. My dad had friends with 2 young boys, both still in diapers. They were over at our house and forgot their diaper bag. I looked through it and saw small and large Pampers diapers. I took out a large one and went to the bathroom with it. I opened and smelled it and then pulled my pants down and tried to put it on. It didn't quite fit so I got some tape and taped the sides together. I can vividly remember looking at myself in the mirror and being really happy. I am still not sure what caused me to do that. I was never a bedwetter although I would wet the bed occasionally. I did, however, wet my pants 2-3 times a week up until the third grade. My parents, especially my dad, would get really upset; they would have to take me home if we were out so I could change. My dad would say "If you wet your pants again, No Saturday morning cartoons!" This was probably the worst punishment I could get because as any child of the early 80's would tell you, cartoons only came on Saturday mornings. He would also say things like "only babies wet their pants" and "do I need to get you some diapers?" I was one of those kids that would get so engrossed in playing or whatever I was doing that I would put off going to the bathroom until it was too late and I would have an accident. I would hide my wet underwear behind my dresser or in my closet. Of course, my mom would start to wonder why she was only washing 3 pairs of underwear. She would ask me if I was hiding my underwear and I would get really embarrassed. I felt like such a baby. I even wet my pants in the 6th grade. I had a teacher that would not let kids go to the bathroom during class and it was the class I had right before lunch, so I wouldn't go after class because then I would end up last in the lunch line. I would be just squirming in line and on 3 occasions I wet my pants. The miracle was that no one noticed any of the times. I shudder when I think of what would have happened if they had. My diaper interests were dormant until I was about 13. My mom got alot of women's magazines and I would look through them just to find the diaper ads and then I would tear them out when my mom was done reading them. I would get so excited by the diaper ads, I would imagine that I was the kid in the diaper. Whenever friends of my mom's who had kids in diapers would come over, I would sneek one of their diapers when no one was looking and take it to my room and smell it and then put it in my underwear and wet it. I also did this at my friends houses who had younger brothers/sisters still in diapers. When I turned 16 and got my driver's license, I bought some baby diapers of my own and hid them in my room. About this time I discovered that there were diapers made that would fit me. It just blew my mind that they made adult-sized disposable diapers. I drove about 30 min from my house and went to a place that sold medical stuff and bought my first pack of Attends diapers. When I got home and put one on I was so excited that I masturbated in it and it felt so good, there was a strong sexual association with the diaper. The years between 16 and 23 are what I call my shame/compulsion years. I would buy diapers, use a couple of them and then think that I was such a FREAK for wanting to wear diapers and then throw them all away and tell myself that I would never, ever buy diapers again. I would hold out for 3-4 weeks and then I would feel compelled to buy them again and the cycle would start all over. When I was 18 my parents got divorced and I came home one day and my mom told me to sit down because she wanted to talk to me. She said that she found diapers under my bed and that she had also found them when we lived in Texas (we were now living in California). I was flabbergasted, my worst fear of being found out was realized. I sat there speechless and she asked me if I needed to go to the doctor and I said no, and then she told me that if I needed to go to tell her. I think she knew that I didn't 'need' diapers. It was never brought up again. I know my dad knows but he has never said anything and I can't bear to talk to him about it. I felt like such a horrible person and I hated myself for wanting to wear diapers and yet I felt powerless to stop. I had no self-esteem and I was incapable of having an intimate relationship because I knew they would eventually find out and leave me. My breakthrough occured when I received a computer for Christmas. I got on the internet and searched for the word diaper and besides the baby/child oriented sites I found DPF. I cannot even begin to describe the feelings I had that moment when I finally came to the realization that I was not the only person who liked diapers. There were thousands of others just like me out there. The feeling of relief was incredible! Since then I have slowly come to accept that this is part of who I am. I still wear diapers on a regular basis but I don't let it interfere with my life. If I feel like wearing them I do, if I don't then I don't. I no longer feel guilt and self hatred over my love of diapers. I enjoy seeing kids in diapers or pictures of kids in diapers but I would never do anything to a child and don't think of children in a sexual way. I just imagine that it is me in their place, that I am the one in the picture. What made me a diaper lover? I don't know for sure but I have some ideas. First, my mom was sick and in the hospital alot when I was between 6 and 9, so I was left alone alot and given more responsibility that other kids my age. Second, I skipped a grade (5th) and was always younger (both chronalogically and maturationally) than my classmates. I graduated high school at 16 when I was just begining to go through puberty, I was a "late bloomer" as my mom would say. Third, the whole thing with peeing my pants. I grew up so fast that I never got to be a kid, so I think they give me security and remind me of a time when I felt really cared for and loved. I want to tell you how incredible I think this site is. It is the first site I have seen that is aimed at parents of diaper lovers. Every parent whose child is going through this should see this site and heed it's well thought out advice. TALK TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT THIS! Let them know that they are not alone and that you still love them no matter what, don't let them go through their teens thinking they are a freak, being a teenager is hard enough as it is. I wish my parents would have talked to me about this, it would have saved me alot of heartache. They did the best they could though and I do not blame them. I turned out good. I have never done drugs or been in trouble with the police. I was in the military and I will graduate from college in May with a B.S. in Biology. I am a good person and your kid is too! This is but one small part of who they are. Love and encourage them as much as possible and give them the confidence and freedom to be the person they are. You have already taken the first step by caring enough to read the information on this web site. If you are a kid/teen who is a diaper lover/teen baby, realize that you are not alone and that you are a good person too. I wish parents the best of luck and hope that no child who loves diapers has to walk in the same shoes that I myself, as well as many others before me, had to.
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