Ian's
Testimonial
Posted
11/17/00
My
name is Ian. I am 27 years old and I am a diaper lover. I have no
brothers or sisters. My mom says I was potty trained a little after my
third birthday and that I wore a diaper at night and on long trips
until I was 5. She says I wore cloth diapers and plastic pants. I
remember the first time I became interested in diapers, I was about 7.
My dad had friends with 2 young boys, both still in diapers. They were
over at our house and forgot their diaper bag. I looked through it and
saw small and large Pampers diapers. I took out a large one and went to
the bathroom with it. I opened and smelled it and then pulled my pants
down and tried to put it on. It didn't quite fit so I got some tape and
taped the sides together. I can vividly remember looking at myself in
the mirror and being really happy. I am still not sure what caused me
to do that. I was never a bedwetter although I would wet the bed
occasionally. I did, however, wet my pants 2-3 times a week up until
the third grade. My parents, especially my dad, would get really upset;
they would have to take me home if we were out so I could change. My
dad would say "If you wet your pants again, No Saturday morning
cartoons!" This was probably the worst punishment I could get because
as any child of the early 80's would tell you, cartoons only came on
Saturday mornings. He would also say things like "only babies wet their
pants" and "do I need to get you some diapers?" I was one of those kids
that would get so engrossed in playing or whatever I was doing that I
would put off going to the bathroom until it was too late and I would
have an accident. I would hide my wet underwear behind my dresser or in
my closet. Of course, my mom would start to wonder why she was only
washing 3 pairs of underwear. She would ask me if I was hiding my
underwear and I would get really embarrassed. I felt like such a baby.
I even wet my pants in the 6th grade. I had a teacher that would not
let kids go to the bathroom during class and it was the class I had
right before lunch, so I wouldn't go after class because then I would
end up last in the lunch line. I would be just squirming in line and on
3 occasions I wet my pants. The miracle was that no one noticed any of
the times. I shudder when I think of what would have happened if they
had. My diaper interests were dormant until I was about 13. My mom got
alot of women's magazines and I would look through them just to find
the diaper ads and then I would tear them out when my mom was done
reading them. I would get so excited by the diaper ads, I would imagine
that I was the kid in the diaper. Whenever friends of my mom's who had
kids in diapers would come over, I would sneek one of their diapers
when no one was looking and take it to my room and smell it and then
put it in my underwear and wet it. I also did this at my friends houses
who had younger brothers/sisters still in diapers. When I turned 16 and
got my driver's license, I bought some baby diapers of my own and hid
them in my room. About this time I discovered that there were diapers
made that would fit me. It just blew my mind that they made adult-sized
disposable diapers. I drove about 30 min from my house and went to a
place that sold medical stuff and bought my first pack of Attends
diapers. When I got home and put one on I was so excited that I
masturbated in it and it felt so good, there was a strong sexual
association with the diaper. The years between 16 and 23 are what I
call my shame/compulsion years. I would buy diapers, use a couple of
them and then think that I was such a FREAK for wanting to wear diapers
and then throw them all away and tell myself that I would never, ever
buy diapers again. I would hold out for 3-4 weeks and then I would feel
compelled to buy them again and the cycle would start all over. When I
was 18 my parents got divorced and I came home one day and my mom told
me to sit down because she wanted to talk to me. She said that she
found diapers under my bed and that she had also found them when we
lived in Texas (we were now living in California). I was flabbergasted,
my worst fear of being found out was realized. I sat there speechless
and she asked me if I needed to go to the doctor and I said no, and
then she told me that if I needed to go to tell her. I think she knew
that I didn't 'need' diapers. It was never brought up again. I know my
dad knows but he has never said anything and I can't bear to talk to
him about it. I felt like such a horrible person and I hated myself for
wanting to wear diapers and yet I felt powerless to stop. I had no
self-esteem and I was incapable of having an intimate relationship
because I knew they would eventually find out and leave me. My
breakthrough occured when I received a computer for Christmas. I got on
the internet and searched for the word diaper and besides the
baby/child oriented sites I found DPF. I cannot even begin to describe
the feelings I had that moment when I finally came to the realization
that I was not the only person who liked diapers. There were thousands
of others just like me out there. The feeling of relief was incredible!
Since then I have slowly come to accept that this is part of who I am.
I still wear diapers on a regular basis but I don't let it interfere
with my life. If I feel like wearing them I do, if I don't then I
don't. I no longer feel guilt and self hatred over my love of diapers.
I enjoy seeing kids in diapers or pictures of kids in diapers but I
would never do anything to a child and don't think of children in a
sexual way. I just imagine that it is me in their place, that I am the
one in the picture. What made me a diaper lover? I don't know for sure
but I have some ideas. First, my mom was sick and in the hospital alot
when I was between 6 and 9, so I was left alone alot and given more
responsibility that other kids my age. Second, I skipped a grade (5th)
and was always younger (both chronalogically and maturationally) than
my classmates. I graduated high school at 16 when I was just begining
to go through puberty, I was a "late bloomer" as my mom would say.
Third, the whole thing with peeing my pants. I grew up so fast that I
never got to be a kid, so I think they give me security and remind me
of a time when I felt really cared for and loved. I want to tell you
how incredible I think this site is. It is the first site I have seen
that is aimed at parents of diaper lovers. Every parent whose child is
going through this should see this site and heed it's well thought out
advice. TALK TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT THIS! Let them know that they are not
alone and that you still love them no matter what, don't let them go
through their teens thinking they are a freak, being a teenager is hard
enough as it is. I wish my parents would have talked to me about this,
it would have saved me alot of heartache. They did the best they could
though and I do not blame them. I turned out good. I have never done
drugs or been in trouble with the police. I was in the military and I
will graduate from college in May with a B.S. in Biology. I am a good
person and your kid is too! This is but one small part of who they are.
Love and encourage them as much as possible and give them the
confidence and freedom to be the person they are. You have already
taken the first step by caring enough to read the information on this
web site. If you are a kid/teen who is a diaper lover/teen baby,
realize that you are not alone and that you are a good person too. I
wish parents the best of luck and hope that no child who loves diapers
has to walk in the same shoes that I myself, as well as many others
before me, had to.
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