My name is Blake. I am 13 years old and a teen baby. I was born with a handicap. I have very loving parents and an older sister. We are religious and I am active in church groups for teens. I like to travel. Last year I visited Europe and it was a lot of fun. I decided that I didn't want to be treated any different than my friends because of my handicap and I go to regular school. A lot of kids started making fun of me at about my handicap and I started wanting to wear diapers when I was around 9. At age 11 I got real depressed about my handicap and the feeling really kicked in more. That is when I started visiting diaper sites in an effort to try and understand this. I kind of think my mom knew about my depression but I'm not sure. I would really like to return to be around 10 months old and be totally cared for by my mom like I used to be. Not all the time of course but maybe once in a while would be nice. Maybe if this could happen it might help me to get over this desire. I really think this is just a phase. I am an actor and I think I will be famous someday and I need to try and get over this before then if I can. I am also very good with computers so if that fails I know I can do well there. While in DPF I met many friends who shared my feelings. They helped me to not feel so ashamed about my feelings and be honest with my parents. There was no way I could ever tell my dad this. I finally wrote my mom a letter telling her I wanted to wear diapers. She always told me I could come to them with any problem. I think this is weird but it is "any" problem. To my surprize she bought me Goodnights just like I asked. I also asked she keep this just between us two. I wore them for one day and then got nervous about it for some reason threw all but one away. I don't know why I did this. Just wearing diapers alone just don't seem good enough. I really would like pacifiers, clothes and being changed. Soon after I decided I wanted my mom to buy me more diapers but that hasn't happened. I wrote more letters and so did my friend Mitch but I heard no answeres yes or no. I think my mom just kept thinking it would go away. All that silence made me nervous and I started feeling real weird about it again where I was feeling some better about these desires. Finally my mom told my dad about all this. They have forbidden me to visit any more sites relating to diapers and made my best friend quit talking to me also. They feel like he is a pervert or something. I felt so betrayed. My dad was not supposed to find out. I wish I had never said anything. Being honest about my feelings has caused me nothing but more pain. My dad thinks I'm sick although he denies it. Currently I am seeing a psychiatrist. I really want to lose these feelings but in many ways I can't imagine life without diapers. I am so confused. I am praying it will work out for me someway. Either rid me of these feelings or accept me and get me what I need as strange as that sounds.

I am so proud of Blake for being honest with his parents. I know that was the correct approach. My life as a teen was bad because I couldn't talk about it. In the end I had very mixed emotions about this experience. I was happy that his family is addressing the issue. I feel he has one understanding parent and one going for the wrong reasons. I know dealing with this now will save pain down the road. I was relieved my role was over. It is not easy talking to someone elses child on a subject like this. I was sad. I felt like I lost contact with a great friend. Honestly I learned more from him than he did from me. The one feeling that was the hardest was anger. He did his best. I did my best and still understanding was lacking. I had no one to be angry at though. His parents are obviously great parents.They love him very much. It is no accident that Blake is a sweet, caring, intelligent child. I understand the feelings toward me. I would not like it if i had a 13 year old talking to a 36 year old from the net. I begged the mom in letter after letter to talk to him and in the end it was also a slap in my face I didn't deserve. I understood it but I didn't deserve it. After moping around a couple weeks I started e-mailing Deeker and we started brain storming on this subject. We decided the best approach is to help parents. The thinking is, if we help parents we help the kids which is what we want to do anyway. By talking to parents we are not viewed as a potential threat. The response so far has been very positive. Deeker has helped me tremendously with the technical stuff and deserves a big thank you. We dedicate this page to our young friend who was brave enough to be HONEST.

********UPDATE 03/01***************

Hey, Just e-mailing you to tell you I'm fine. I've beaten desires for good. I am very happy about this and I no longer need to wear or want to wear diapers. Thanks for everything Mitch! I gotta go Love, Blake

Blake is now 14 and went for professional help to help rid him of these desires about nine months ago. At first it seemed suceessful with medication, but the desire kept coming back. The psychologist didn't talk to him as much as I would have hoped and relied on medication mostly. At the point treatment stopped Blake was saying what his parents wanted to hear which was "I'm cured" though his feelings were as strong as ever. As time passed our chats diminished and I noticed that he was rarely mentioning the word "diaper" and basically we talked about school and just what was new. I feel good about Blake's situation now. I really don't know any other details that I feel would be of value to a parent or kid considering this option.

********UPDATE 04/03****************

I last talked to Blake around Christmas.The last two years were a difficult struggle for him. Around June 2001, just three months after the last update, I started hearing from him on a regular basis. He was no longer seeing a psych as he called it. He admitted that nothing had worked. His feelings were stronger than before. He had just been saying that his feelings were gone because he felt like he would disappoint his parents otherwise. Blake also became scared of himself. He was afraid that he was doomed to kill himself if he didn't get help. It then became apparant that being a baby made him feel safe because babies can't hurt themselves. His parents approved of him talking to me in July 2001. Blake's 15th year was one of survival. His grades totally collapsed after he thought a change from public school would help. He became a compulsive spender. Nothing mattered because it was all going to end before turning 16. In Feb 2002 he had a failed suicide attempt. I was the only one who knew about it and I had to call the police in his city to try and locate him. They ended up at the wrong address but luckily his sister dropped by unexpectedly and ruined his attempt. Through all of this Blake's parents ignored him completely on any talk that involved infantilism. Blake bought his first diapers on his 16th birthday and was hiding them at last report.